Veteran actress Anita Kanwal made an emotional revelation about facing self-doubt, feeling “useless” and struggling with a lack of meaningful work despite spending more than four decades in the entertainment industry.Speaking to Siddharth Kannan in a recent interview, the actress opened up about her personal and professional struggles, including raising two children as a single mother while juggling 13 TV shows at one point in her career.
“I suffer from self-doubt”
During the interview, Anita admitted that it hurts her to be forgotten by the industry.“Does it hurt? A lot. A lot. Sometimes it brings me to a very … I would say … even to the point of maybe self-destruction,” she said.The actor added that he recently questioned his purpose in life and career.“For just two or three days I was saying to my daughter: ‘Why do I live? What do I give to society? What do I give to my job?’ I have given so much. I have done all kinds of roles. I have proven myself. I got rewards. So is it me or is the industry to blame? I don’t know,” said Anita with emotion.Speaking about aging in the entertainment industry, she added: “Yes, I’ve aged, but I’m not asking to be cast as a 12 or 13-year-old. I want to be cast as a 70-year-old. If Meryl Streep can get a role at 76 and there are other actresses my age, why can’t I work?”
“I feel so useless”
When asked if she was suicidal at times, Anita explained that although she has never thought about ending her life, she often feels emotionally exhausted.“I feel so useless. I won’t say suicidal, but sometimes I pray that God will take me if you don’t have anything meaningful to do in this world. I don’t want to hang around,” she confessed.The actor also reflected on his dedication to work, recalling a painful incident in his mother’s last days.“My mother was dying. The doctor gave her a few hours. And I went to shoot. The doctors were calling. I tried calling the producer, he didn’t answer. I tried calling production. Another scene was sent. They said, ‘You have to do this scene and then go.’ I actually did that scene and then I left,” he revealed.“That’s the kind of dedication I have. No one else would do it,” Anita added.
‘I didn’t have a godfather’
Anita also looks back on her early struggles in the industry and said that she entered the show without any protection.“I came from Delhi. I didn’t have a godfather and I wasn’t ready to commit. I only had confidence,” he said.The actress said that she had moved to Mumbai with her children while managing their father’s medical treatment at the same time.“At one point, I was doing 13 shows at once,” he recalled.
Anita Kanwal on auditions and rejection
Speaking about the changing casting culture, Anita revealed that she still attends auditions, but often feels let down by the process.“Today after 45 years, when I get asked to audition and then get turned down, you can imagine what it does to me,” he said.He also recalled that he gave a stern answer during one of the auditions when he was asked to introduce himself.“I said, ‘I’m Anita Kanwal and I’m acting before most of the people watching this were born,'” she shared with a laugh.
