Veteran music composer and singer Anand Raaj Anand has opened up about one of the most difficult phases of his life, revealing that he suffered from clinical depression and suicidal thoughts after moving away from the Hindi film industry and moving to London.In a chat with Faridoon Shahryar, Anand spoke about his mental health struggles, the changing landscape of Bollywood music and how the overwhelming response to songs like Dil De Diya Hai has helped him reconnect with his creative passion.
‘It was a suicidal depression ‘
Recalling the period after 2011, Anand revealed that he suffered from severe depression that lasted for years.“2011 ke baad mujhe clinical depression ho gaya tha. It was a suicidal depression,” he said.The composer explained that after years of uninterrupted success, he decided to take a break and spend more time with his family. However, the hiatus coincided with major changes in the music industry.“Jab time achha chal raha hota hai, aadmi ke paas sab kuch hota hai, sirf time nahi hota. Maine 11-13 saal itna kaam kiya ki vacation tak nahi le paya. Phir industry corporate ho gayi. Pehle producers, directors aur financier baithkar music banate the. Baad mein plastic par WhatsApp. aur computer ke saath kaam kar raha hoon,” he said.
Why did he go to London?
Anand said he went to the UK to take a short break and make up for lost family time.“I felt that I had worked enough and I needed to spend some time with my family. I went to the UK, traveled and focused on my personal life. But when I came back, many new composers entered the industry. My mistake was that I thought I could take a break. That breakup broke me,” he admitted.According to Anand, the increasingly corporate structure of the industry made it difficult for someone who was used to the more personal and collaborative way of working before.
“From 2011 to 2020, I took medication”
The singer revealed that his condition was so serious that he needed long-term treatment.“My depression was clinical. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never talked about this on any podcast. From 2011 to 2020, I took medication,” he said.Anand recalled consulting renowned psychiatrist Dr. Asit Seth, who advised him to avoid stress and focus on recovery.He described how the disease affected his ability to function creatively.“I used to say: ‘Close the doors, dark room, don’t make any noise.’ I couldn’t come up with anything. That was my situation,” he shared.
Rediscovering hope through music
The turning point came when doctors encouraged him to reconnect with the creativity that had defined his life.“My doctor told me that until I got back to being creative and enjoying the gift nature gave me, the depression would not go away,” Anand said.He revealed that he also wrote an unreleased Punjabi song during this phase, inspired by his mental health struggles. The lyrics reflected the feelings of isolation, loss and hope he experienced at the time.Despite the darkness, Anand eventually returned to writing and composing every day, saving ideas on his computer and slowly regaining his confidence.
The revival of Dil De Diya Hai
The composer also spoke about the renewed popularity of his music on social media, particularly Dil De Diya Hai, which has found a new audience through reels and short form content.A reel containing the song crossed more than eight million views, Anand said, “These are cult songs. Sometimes songs are created that touch people’s hearts.”He added that music remains his “oxygen”, and that every emotion in his life – happiness or pain – eventually becomes a song.“Even depression became a song. My sadness becomes a song, my happiness becomes a song. Music is my oxygen,” he said.The composer also credits his comeback to the enduring love shown by listeners for songs like Dil De Diya Hai, Uncha Lamba Kad, Hoth Rasiley and Billo Rani, many of which continue to trend years after their release.
